Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Losing Base with Society

DISCLAIMER: No One take this to heart, just how things are going period.

So I have now completed week Week 10 of my Diet, I'm down 21 lbs of fat, kept my muscle, looking more decent, blah blah blah..

With that said I haven't been out drinking in that 10 weeks....Maybe went to drink twice since, and couldn't bring myself to drink more than half a beer bottle both times(literally) so I had water instead.
Haven't been out period. I do 4 things in my 24 hour day!
1. Wake up
2. Eat
3. Work out
4. Sleep
4.5. play games sometimes.

The most important thing is I Haven't really kept up with my friends..
The sad part is (sorry to say) I'm fine with that.
Don't get me wrong I love all my friends, but I think subconsciously I'm pushing them all away.
I know what my goal is for Janurary (5 months away) which is to go overseas for a year, possbily more.
So I don't want to make this harder on myself to leave than what it already is. I mean there is still a select few of people I talk to and actually care about talking to (I wont name names, lol because if someone isn't one of those people and they think they are then I will let them keep thinking that) (asshole of me? lol yup but o well)

I already feel Horrible for leaving my pops I mean he is old, for damn sure not getting younger, I know he'll miss me, I mean hell he talks to my oldest brother EVERYDAY, I know once im gone (i'm the youngest) he will be lonely cuz my mom will only get on his nerves lol I take her stress away from him.
so Leaving my friends will be hard also because I always felt my friends are my true family (all my real siblings are older and weren't around much with me).
So With that said I'm sorry to you guys ive been pushing away but to be honest, your going to have to deal, I dont wanna cut connections, but I dont want any one begging me to stay, or feeling sad, (ha its not like were doing anything together worth wild here anyway).

As far as trying to find a Summer Fling female, I dont want to do this either...
my personality type is R&B so that means I fall for chicks quick.
The last thing I need is finding a potential love of my life, but then leaving out for Japan, and that being a waste.

Plus a Girl in my life has always held me back from going. (I don't get into relationships unless I feel like I can marry her) So it was hard for me to even think about going somewhere when I had them in my life.

So I won't let that happen again.

So with all this Naturally I've just been staying away and losing base with Society

its why I do my 4 1/2 things everyday.

Kinda like if you knew the Middle School Bully was after you, so you peak around corners, and skip classes to avoid them.

Thats basically what I'm doing....

Once again I wanna say sorry, but at the same time I'm not, Im doing this for a reason and it may be F'd up to some people who really need me, or genuinely like me, but hey if you cared that much you would make more effort.

I def have a Top 5 of friends that I talk to, If you wanted in that bad, u would push your way in there.
Until that effort is made then don't bother poutin

(lol listen to me soundin like I'm somebody)

Thats it for this

This is the reason why i haven't talked to 95% of my friends

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