So its been awhile, Let me give an update 3/20

Its been about 3 weeks since I last blogged.
I've been yearning to get back on here but I've just been so busy. Finally started my 2nd job so now im working a total of about 65 hours a week which sucks, i mean damn i'm only really use to about 24 from all my other previous jobs. I mean doing the substituting alone im tired everyday and usually in bed by about 10..
now thurs - fri i work job #2 4-9 and sat & sun 10-7 thats on top of working 7-3 mon- fri, and still working out and trying to keep an active social life (which isn't going the best).
I have to keep saying to myself I need the money I need the money I need the money.

So I wrote out a few thigns in my journal since Ive been gone, which I will share on here hopefully in a few days.

I got the new "The Dream" Cd which is amazing kinda makes me not miss some people helps me get over some cuts that were just scabbed up but not healed.

I have a follower now lol Thank you Moira, more are welcomed, direct them this way...
I know I dont have the best post, but i try to keep it a tad interesting.

Signing off for now hopefully I'll have those other post up soon!!

Past, Future and Present

*going to bed a little early so im not going to completely write this up*

I know the tittle seems a little strange but there is a reason for it.

As I was in the shower I thought of life like this.

Are elders, are our past, they provided what were doing now and everything to it

Are kids are our Future, they will one day hold all of the responsibility in their hands.

but My generation however is the Present, our job is to make our Past Proud, and provide things now so our Futures are set up with the right tools.

So its up to the Present for everything right now...
basically im heavily relying on my generation to do the right thing in life. but at the same time follow your own path...
The Past is looking down on us, and the Future is looking towards us.

The Walmart dream

So I have the weirdest dumbest most delusional dreams.

and I'vehad this one before of me going in to walmart with just a shirt on and some socks, no underwear my mission is to go around the store and collecting clothes, all while I need to do shopping as well.
The kicker is, I'm on one Roller blade skating around like its a skateboards.

Don't as me why I have this dream I know its not the first time.

I also know that I woke up just write it in this blog, before i forget again and its still fresh..

Why do my dreams have to be so con deluded?


Ant

Damn these OxyMorons

I've been trying to figure out the word oxymoron for weeks now because I came on to some interesting ones while I was explaining people, to other people...

1. Insecure Vain Person
2.

Ok so I lied that was the only one I came up with
but I had an array of them last year. when I remember i'll add more

If you could never see your own reflection

How would we precieve others?
What would people Consider beauty?
What would people consider style and Talent?

I think we would only be able to judge others through their personalities and talents.
Of course I believe that the athletes would still be admired, Singers, dancers just about all entertainers IMO would still be looked up at in high regards. but even the better ones who are over looked because of there appearance now or style, (Jill Scott, Angie Stone, India Arie) would be appreciated/loved a little more.
Also the main professions such as health care and education workers would hopefully be admired more.
The whole world IMO would be a tad bitdifferent.
Yes we would know Fat-Skinny-athletic but what would define beauty?
My answer is simply Personality as I stated earlier.

When does this Train stop

Some one please let me know when to let go
or better yet even how to let go
I know why it was hard at first
But come on. I still can't find the nerve to jump

The less the run-ins the more I'm relieved.
When I least expect it, I get a signal which sets me back
I'm trying to figure out how I'm still love stoned
It is the general feeling i get with all from my past
but this is different, with her its still butterflies (or stomach aches/haven't figure it out)

I wanna get off this train though
I don't mind seeing it from time to time
but damn I can only stay seated for so long
Just stop here and let me wait at the station
I'll get on the next one that is going my way

So what if she did?

Would you even be able to handle it?
Could you even handle her?
hell would she be able to handle you?
Is that what you even want?

How would we spend our days?
Do you think we would do the same as we do now?
Or just be a lost cause?
Would days be fun or more of a hassle?

Would she even enjoy the alone time?
Would i be able to please her?
Would she even please me/ even though thats not hard.
Would our friends interfere?

Do I even want her?
Can I handle the baggage?
Can I handle the interdependence?
So what if she did? Would I accept or decline

Prisoner of my Own mind

I'm stuck here in my own mind
Being in here is like watching traffic in rush hour
There are a million thoughts and emotions
but none of them seem to be going anywhere no time soon

i love to pretend and think I'm a hero
That I can do any and everything I put my mind too
The only thing is I'ma prisoner of my mind
So I don't know how to unlock that potential

Being Stuck between these prison wallas
i don't know exactly what to feel
Whether it be happiness, sadness or all in between
there all stuck in these prison walls

When will i be free out of these walls
how long is this prison sentence?
Will someone come here and save me in time.
Can someone help me NOT be a prisoner of my own mind

Why?

This is kinda old, had some things going on as far as not being able to stick with someone.
not really a poem just questions I had.

Why would it be so hard to write this?
Why? because its never easy to let out our feelings..

Why does there have to be differences/
why does there have to be barriers

Why can't people easily let down there guard?
Why do people think things are impossible?

Why do I suddenly feel the way i do?
Why Can't there be a me and you?




I know it got bubble gummy at the end. for give that..


Hawk

Is my perception of Friends Backwards?

So even though I feel as if I have an abundance of friends, I really don't use any of them for advice or help in a tight situation. I mean there are a few I know I can count on and go to usually Tina and Robyn, who are like sisters to me and I love whole heartedly. (with no offense to any other person I call my brother or sisters, or even best/good friends). Its just those 2 are different, I can unload and completely bitch about my life to them, and they will tell me straight to shut the fuck up get over it and give good advice.
I very very rarely just tell others any of the stuff I go through, maybe some other people sprinkles of information but not 100% details.
I'd completely rather have random people's advice, I feel as if their more reliable as far as un-bias opinions since they don't know you at all or as well.
I think this is weird for the simple fact I'm the one, any and everyone can come to for advice.
I will help anytime someone needs me.
I also know that any if not all my friends will do the same for me, (and as bad as this is going to sound, I dont mean it with bad intentions) I don't need them to help me. I've always been a loner when it comes to that and sometimes it gets to me, but now that I write (in a journal and blog) more I'm fine.
i don't get nearly as stressed as I use to, where the hell has this been since i was like 5 (pretty much since I could write).

Just thought I would share.


Tony

Just wanted to see if this would bunp it up a tad?

The intentions of me even Blogging

So at Random unimportant times in my life, (and I say unimportant because usually shitty shit is happening) I tend to write in a notebook/journal.

There usually just Random Thoughts, Poems, Songs, or just cursing in on paper because i wanna yell while im at that specific place.

So i figured no one sees these entries i put in, and majority of the time id rather not have anyone see them anyway (atleast the people I know).

So I thought to myself one day :::Tony::: why not just have random people read some of these things and have a tad bit of feedback for some of the things (since I actually think there are some of my writings that are actually decent enough to atleast be critiqued).


I've had a Blog before but it was for a class that i never used.
I'm not grammatically correct, 80% of the time, so if there are comments, this is fair warning i dont, so it should be expected...


If anyone does happen to come across these collections of confused misinterpretations welcome and thanks for giving me the time!


Ant
Ahawk
Anthony
Tony
Hawk

Haven't quite figured out how ima sign these blogs yet...may be one of those i may just get lazy