Friday, August 14, 2009

Give me Heartbreak again!

As I was talking to my friend, we were talking about how much it sucks to end relationships, especially if you get shitted on (at least in your opinion).
But heartbreak is part of relationships, better yet life!
I feel like the 4 times (possibly more) That I felt heartbreak I took all of them the wrong way. Which was way harder than I needed to. I've admitted to myself (also somewhere in this blog) that yes I have a soft heart, I'm one of those "Sensitive" guys. I wear my heart on my sleeve, not many of us "good guys" out there, but it seems like most women just want bad boys

I wasn't going to but let me explain my 4 heartbreaks thus far. (Well what I did after I should say) There will be no names, no dates and times, just reactions!

4. I may of did the heart breaking, but I felt like shit and still was heart broken also. I became stagnant. Only wanted to search for the right now, not right. Just wanted some fun and took advantage of some uncalled for situations to fill my void. Alot of drinking (misery loves company)

3. Ok I was in the wrong with the whole situation, (I should of never gotten myself into it knowing what it already was) But I fooled myself, made myself believe that there was a chance even though I was totally going against my own rules (she cheats on him she'll cheat on you). Maybe it was the chase, Maybe it was the thrill, but I honestly think it was just the crazy chemistry we had.
Once again, I blamed myself for not being what they truly wanted, pushing to hard on this one. Trying to mix oil and water. After this I went into drinking alot partying more. Filing the void again.

2. Once again another situation I probably shouldn't of gotten into. The crazy thing was it didn't start that way. It started like "hey it is what it is, nothing will really come of it". I guess this one just kinda progressed as we got to know each other better. I was sure this was what I wanted. I fell hard.
Even Harder when it was over. To point where I was anti-social didn't want to talk to no one, just do my thing. I didn't drink or go overboard, but it made me realize who I need to cut out my life, who's in it for me, and who's just in it.

1. Damn near wanted to commit suicide because I was so depressed about why she did it. Was I not good enough. Was it because of my looks?
But this is the one that started my initial weight loss so I guess I gotta thank her for that.

Now out of those 4 situations, I'm Really good friends with 2 of them we speak consistently, Speak to the 1 of them on a inconsistent basis, and don't speak to the other one what so ever.

Yes I'm one of those guys who want Closure, wants to knos why something didn't work out. Even though it hurts, and I may not be happy with the answer, but fuck it, its an answer right?
Can't go your whole life not knowing what 1+1 is, eventually you have to know how to improve. You can't improve on your mistakes, if you dont know how you got into them!

This is why I think I want to be heart broken again. Just so I can evaluate how I act, what measures to take, maybe this time I can do it right handle it better.

Or maybe I can not put so much heart into things like I usually do and take it for what its worth.

I dont want to get in another relationship anytime soon but my next one I will be careful, and observe myself more in it.

So Heartbreak I could go without again, but if it happens, I think I'm ready for this one. (at least I hope!!!)


  1. First time to the blog but I appreciate the honesty. I know heart break is crazy but it definitely builds character. I'm a firm believer that all those things happened for a reason and have shaped you to handle and appreciate what's to come. Peace.

  2. first time read as well, and i must agree, heartbreak is necessary to pull yourself forward.

    i've been heartbroken close to 3 times in my life, 2 not my fault and 1 was my own fault.

    sadly enough i was the same type of guy, sensitive and wore my heart on my sleeve, but after the first break up walls started being put up and i limited myself.

    as more time passed and the heart breaks continued, i bring myself to today: very hard to love, skeptical and just cold.

    i know that's not cool, but it's just where life brought me.

    hopefully you don't get that bad, the world needs more warm hearted people, not the ones like me. but i accept that. =]

    thanks for the blog to read. check mine out too i post randomly and quite a bit


  3. I agree with Zako. I think depending on the situations, heartbreak can lead you to different places. Some learn and move foward noting all the signs that lead to the ending...Heartbreak can be a scary thing though: like how you were saying the one time you damn near wanted to committ careful what you ask for..

    Others, like myself, get skeptical of people in general: their intentions, whether its real or not each time (or if the past ones were real). I happen to be one of these people. After someone has burned me, I lose more than the person of interest...I start losing my faith in relationships in general..

    Hopefully someone can prove me wrong! (dcd) lol

  4. Love is a contact sport. You just need to get up on the saddle and laugh it off.

  5. I definitely agree with Christy black. Heart Break is seriously scary and one of the Main reasons People these days Don't get into serious relationships.If it happens to you once, its enough to have You closed up and unwilling to open up to any other. I also agree with Mr.Nihols. My Motto IS.. "Everything Happens for a reason" So let god do his work. In love you have to take in the Good with the Bad. Regardless of the outcome suicide should Never be an option. Love is Definitely Out there for everyone. See Heartbreak as God taking you through different Empty Castles until he Gets you to A castle With a princess waiting inside.

    *I'm a very emotional person*
    am in no way associated with Disney or any of their characters nor do i live in disneyland. Just believe theres Always someone special for a special someone. :)

  6. Anita I love that little quote "See Heartbreak as God taking you through different Empty Castles until he Gets you to A castle With a princess waiting inside."

    there are alot of people who don't believe there is someone for every one ***cough my sister cough cough ****

    I thnk there is though. But its like everything else in life. Your not going to get something sitting on your ass

    are you the type of person that Lets things happen, or makes things happen

    thats what you have to ask yourself

  7. in love... You have to go for both. Making things happen definitely shows interest and the "WANT" of something real... While "Letting things happen" is a form of waiting for that special one to arrive. You have to go for both. Let things happen as is "Go with the flow of things" and make things happen as in "There's the green Light Im into her and she's into me" Its time for the move.. let me go for it... [My Point of view] And Yeah, I live in somewhat of a fantasy land where i believe in dreams and true love coming true. But Not blindsided of whats reality. You're princess is surely out there for you. :) Keep traveling through the empty castles friend. Princess is waiting... Good Luck finiding True Love... Is Definitely Out there.

  8. Yea I'ma believer in True Love, but I decided to give it a break for 2 years, focus on me...
    How can I can I give someone all of me, when I can't give myself what I want.

  9. Yepp. Take care of yourself first. Especially mentally. In love... you have to be there to feel it all, you know? taking it all in.. If you're focused on other things or arent in the position that you would like to be more than likely it wont work. FOCUS ON YOU FIRST. Great Start! :)