Thursday, August 20, 2009

Hates a Strong word...let's hope I dont use it...

::::WARNING:::: (I honestly try not to sound or be bitter about anything, but this has been on my mind way to long. I also try not to cuss like a sailor so i'll try my best not to in this post even though it may be hard.)

So I guess for people to truly Understand you would need a quick synopsis of why I'm even posting this.

Let me see If I can put it Movie Narrator style (btw: If you ever saw the movie 500 days of summer, It sum up this whole post in an instance. Actually Sums up my life)
(Ok I apologize that was probably completely pointless but im trying to do it without the others business all out there.)

Ok so on to this topic.

Hate is a Strong word, but I'm damn close.

It's been nearly 9 months since. For some reason I'm still affected today. If I see a car that resembles yours, my heart jumps, I dont know If I'm going to pretend like I dont know you, or get out the car and start acting like an asshole.

If you read my topic , you would know that I'm the type of person who needs closure and reasons. To which I didn't get from you.
At this point I don't even care.

I'm not a bad person, and I hardly ever have bad intentions or thoughts, but to be completely honest I could careless If I ever see or hear from you again in my life. (There I said it, I feel dirty for saying it but there it is)

What hurts me the most from saying that is that I really felt like we could be good friends.
I wish you the best in Life, and I want nothing more for you to be happy, but honestly that no longer has anything to do with me.

It's not the fact that your in the situation your in. The reason to me being so angry:

It's the fact that you can't fucking understand why I feel the way I feel....
It's the fact that you don't care and/or have an ounce of respect for me....

I wanna say I can't blame you, since you have never been put in this position. But your an adult so no excuses...

What you don't understand about me is this, just like in the heartbreak blog, I have been hurt and shitted on so much.
It was different with you.........I thought we had something strong, then it Kind of snapped in half with no notice to me.
I hate to sound like a dick but for someone that you supposedly "Loved" you sure picked a fucked up path.

I think.........well I know my main problem is just that I have no explanation to why, I was hush hush, but the new one is Flaunted.

AM I Wrong?

Things coulda been handled a bit differently IMO but now i feel like im the fuckin bad guy because im the one who is affected the most by this.

new Slow/love/emo/i miss you/heartbreak songs that come out, I connect with. and it makes me reflect which I hate

I dont wanna be reminded of the situation I want it gone.

Yes it has made me stronger, but how can I truly move on if I have no answers to improve with?

Once again it's sort of too late now for any type of apology/explanation.

I just wanna be over it. with or without that.

so Why does shit still bother me...??

it's been way to fucking long, and im still fuckin as bitter as I was 8/9 months ago

I can't seem to understand why.......

I've done other things to occupy my heard.

Misery Loves Company, I found company once or twice, but it wasn't enough.

What the hell do I do from this point.
meeting (like i said multiple time aleady) Is not an option..

One of my favorite songs right now is a song by the band All Time Low - Jasae Ray
Jasey Rae youtube video Check it out. It sorta is my situation (well the best song to explain atleast)

I'm sorry for bitching about this months later, if you look at my first couple of blogs, you may also get the picture of this also.

Thanks for listening.

I'll be great, don't worry just gotta find my happy medium .


  1. I must say, you know if anyone can relate, I CAN! Its been a year plus for me...and at least she didn't go and GET MARRIED a few months later! I wish I could say it gets better with time, but the truth is, it takes more than time, it take determination. You just eventually slow down in thinking about it...their name that once screamed continuously in your head turns into a whisper...but it never really goes away: not if you really loved them and they did you dirty like that. The best we can both do is take it for what it is and move forward aimicably. When the name comes to mind, change the subject....and eventually it will come to mind less and less..

    *side note* Certain things come up that will always remind you of how Jonna was all in ol boys face about how much she loved him, how much he shouldn't worry because their relationship is solid...and then one day she just makes the phone call that nobody wants to get...and acts as if he is getting on her nerves when he questions why ***FLASHBACK*** lol. I digress...

    The moral of the post is this too shall soon pass.

  2. Wow. I believe that the more you don't think of it the more it wont hurt. I was completely in love with the 1st guy i ever gave my "ALL" to. We met in Job Corps, dated for a year and a half. So in love. Both of us. It was his time to go, we lived in 2 different places. We decided that when i was done i would go to where he is and start there. 7 months past and it was time for me to go.. Lets just say he had moved on and never let me know anything all the time we kept in touch. It took me over 2 years to get over him, even dating my boyfriend then, Fiance now. It hurt so bad, i mean... it was like How can someone who you loved with everything and claimed to love you so bad do this to you.. I didn't need to ask for an explanation because hearing his excuse was enough to let me get over it. its just took too long.. Don't think about it.. it will go away.

  3. Yea trust me I do try to just get it out my head and move on, but im just like Fuck..when will it stop.

    what makes it so bad we have a mutual friend. who I dont talk to much anymore but she is like my lil sister. I kinda hate that I have to slowly let her go because she is guilty by association you know. and she is around her more.

    I know it takes time, and its cool because Ive been super focused on getting out of the country and everything so Im just ready to go.

  4. Aww getting out of the country? Hope its not because of her... If its not, Good luck man. And you better keep in touch with Us. ;)

  5. Ive been trying to teach over seas for a while, but each time I had a G/f or something holding me back.
    now I don't
    Just gotta stay focused.

    lol Im Def not that soft of a dude that I wanna leave because of 1 person

  6. Good, because you shouldn't have to. Glad that's not the issue. Teaching kids over seas wow, that's great. Good Luck on that.