::::WARNING:::: (I honestly try not to sound or be bitter about anything, but this has been on my mind way to long. I also try not to cuss like a sailor so i'll try my best not to in this post even though it may be hard.)
So I guess for people to truly Understand you would need a quick synopsis of why I'm even posting this.
Let me see If I can put it Movie Narrator style (btw: If you ever saw the movie 500 days of summer, It sum up this whole post in an instance. Actually Sums up my life)
BOY MEETS GIRL
BOY TRYS HARD FOR GIRL
BOY FINALLY GETS GIRL
BOY AND GIRL HAVE GREAT RELATIONSHIP
GIRL HAS INTERNAL PROBLEMS
GIRL BREAKS UP WITH BOY
BOY IS HEART BROKEN
GIRL GETS A NEW RELATIONSHIP
BOY IS HEART BROKEN AGAIN
GIRL CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHY AND DOESN'T CARE
BOY RE-EVALUATES LIFE, MAKES CHANGES, BUT IS STILL BROKEN UP.
(Ok I apologize that was probably completely pointless but im trying to do it without the others business all out there.)
Ok so on to this topic.
Hate is a Strong word, but I'm damn close.
It's been nearly 9 months since. For some reason I'm still affected today. If I see a car that resembles yours, my heart jumps, I dont know If I'm going to pretend like I dont know you, or get out the car and start acting like an asshole.
If you read my topic http://hawkaj.blogspot.com/2009/08/give-me-heartbreak-again.html , you would know that I'm the type of person who needs closure and reasons. To which I didn't get from you.
At this point I don't even care.
I'm not a bad person, and I hardly ever have bad intentions or thoughts, but to be completely honest I could careless If I ever see or hear from you again in my life. (There I said it, I feel dirty for saying it but there it is)
What hurts me the most from saying that is that I really felt like we could be good friends.
I wish you the best in Life, and I want nothing more for you to be happy, but honestly that no longer has anything to do with me.
It's not the fact that your in the situation your in. The reason to me being so angry:
It's the fact that you can't fucking understand why I feel the way I feel....
It's the fact that you don't care and/or have an ounce of respect for me....
I wanna say I can't blame you, since you have never been put in this position. But your an adult so no excuses...
What you don't understand about me is this, just like in the heartbreak blog, I have been hurt and shitted on so much.
It was different with you.........I thought we had something strong, then it Kind of snapped in half with no notice to me.
I hate to sound like a dick but for someone that you supposedly "Loved" you sure picked a fucked up path.
I think.........well I know my main problem is just that I have no explanation to why, I was hush hush, but the new one is Flaunted.
AM I Wrong?
Things coulda been handled a bit differently IMO but now i feel like im the fuckin bad guy because im the one who is affected the most by this.
new Slow/love/emo/i miss you/heartbreak songs that come out, I connect with. and it makes me reflect which I hate
I dont wanna be reminded of the situation I want it gone.
Yes it has made me stronger, but how can I truly move on if I have no answers to improve with?
Once again it's sort of too late now for any type of apology/explanation.
I just wanna be over it. with or without that.
so Why does shit still bother me...??
it's been way to fucking long, and im still fuckin as bitter as I was 8/9 months ago
I can't seem to understand why.......
I've done other things to occupy my heard.
Misery Loves Company, I found company once or twice, but it wasn't enough.
What the hell do I do from this point.
meeting (like i said multiple time aleady) Is not an option..
One of my favorite songs right now is a song by the band All Time Low - Jasae Ray
Jasey Rae youtube video Check it out. It sorta is my situation (well the best song to explain atleast)
I'm sorry for bitching about this months later, if you look at my first couple of blogs, you may also get the picture of this also.
Thanks for listening.
I'll be great, don't worry just gotta find my happy medium .