Monday, November 9, 2009

Have I been selfish? (Who I am, Hates who I've been) Part 2

So It was a good day. I had a good work day in class. Crystal Light was on sale 2 boxes for $3 dollars at shoppers (all I drink is this stuff and water so understand this was a great deal). I had on my new Nautica Fleece, which looked great with my new work out Nike Reax 3 shoes, and Great work out pants. Just an all around awesome day.

I then ran into someone I haven't seen in 6 years. I wouldn't exactly say an old friend, but an acquaintance at best. To be honest this has been someone I've been waiting to see. Back in High School we weren't enemies, nor friends, we had a a run in back then, but it was old High school drama so it was temporary. It was smoothed out easily, but I was never really a fan of this person from the start anyway. Their attitude and personality had been something I always just sort of despised from that person. But I wanted to run into 'em because I had been hearing that there was a complete 360 degree change with this person.
Now I believe people can improve but not really so much change, Kind of like that quote, You can take the boy/girl out of the (location) but you can't take the (location) out of the boy girl. The changes I had heard about 'em seemed a little out of reach for this particular one.
So we passed each other probably about 3-4 times before we realized who each other were. (Actually I had no idea the whole time, until they stopped me.) Outside appearance has changed for the both of us, but from the first hand shake I could see the inside changed for 'em as well.
It felt sort of strange, it was like walking and meeting a preacher (when they were a straight sinner back in the day) you could just feel the warmth and aura just radiating out from 'em. (I always felt like my special worldly gift was to get people and feel aura, yea weird I know).
After talking to him for about 10-15 mins I saw what the rumors have been entailing. It was a completely new and different person. Its as if someone wiped his mind clean and created a new person. What makes it even better is old times never once came up in our conversation. Which was good for a change since thats what seems to come up with everyone I run into from my past. Once again its as if I was talking to a complete stranger. All that was talked about was present and future. To sum it up, it was just really great to see this person, and I for one would of NEVER imagined those words coming out of my mouth for this person.

This meeting sort of put a tight perspective on my life and in a way made me think about my actions (see Burning bridges ). Have I been selfish all this time? Why have I shut myself off when I should have been keeping my bonds to people close. I honestly had no idea that these people that I pushed out of my life or never was attached to were so different now. I'm sure not everyone but a vast majority had to "grow up" in a sense (with me being no exception). Is this what I've been mising out on for the past 7 months. Hell for the past damn near 7 years!!! (since I graduated High school). I'm not a judgemental person, but I have been pushing away people I thought I didn't need in my life. Turns out even though I may not have a constant communication with these people, they all are still a piece of me, whether I wanted to believe that or not. I've always felt as if I made a difference in every person that I encountered lives (as selfish as that sounds). So who am I to take myself ouf of that for people (again as selfish as that sounds).
I guess I had a moment of weakness where I was tired of being that "GO TO" person for everyone. I just wanted to be me and left alone. I never did anything for myself and for the past 7 months I did. I gave up on my original life, I had my mental break, now I guess im ready to get back in to people's lives if they'll have me.

I'm sorry to those who I may of offended or upset during my mental and physical hiatus from my old life. I apologize

I have to admit though the mental break was nice, and I can't say I'm not a changed person because of it. Good did come out of it, but more broken bonds did also.

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