Wednesday, April 8, 2009

The Process of letting it go!

This may be a pretty lengthy one. That I may have to go back and add things here and there but let me start.

So alot of past sadder quotes have been about a particular person, my ex. I was Sad for a long time. because its very true (or atleast I say) that Men Love Hard, and women Love Fast.

well for some reason I Love Hard and Fast. and I would never consider getting into any type of relationship with anyone unless it was something I could see us progressing into more in the future.
(random women or people who i know I don't want nothing out of don't count)

Well with all that said, once again I've been holding on to this Love in my heart. when I shoulda been letting go.

In my Journal entry which was back in 3/11 I wrote an exert called "I can't escape".
Here is a piece of it:
"This is some bullshit, so I feel like I was doing good w/ the situation then fucking Bam, she invites me out to the hookah bar? what the fuck is that. I mean she didn't even wanna go there with me when we were together so why now all of a sudden did she offer to go with me. Sorry to be a tad paranoid in this situation but I can't help but to feel like I'm stepping into a gladiators Lion's den. Almost like I'm being set up/ I know thats wrong and as much as I trust her in my heart something just doesnt sit right for me.
Robyn says its because she finally stepped into the friendzone. Sorta hoping that is & isnt the case (do I really need to get into why? No) My main focus basically is that, I'm just goign to give up on trying to hide and everything from her also on caring so much (i will try) since I can't escape my feelings the only thing to do is accept them and get through with it. I told myself before to do this but now its been over 3 months, I personally think I am partyly over it and I can get another girl and be happy. but i won't lie about how she is still pulling me by a string I mean its a fishing line but its still there. "A little more time!!" Theme of the decade"

there u have it thats how iw as feeling then..but 2 weeks later I have a dream. In my journal titled "The letter in the dream"
I wont go into great detail about this but basically I had a dream before the whole "I can't escape thing" which was a dream about me giving her a letter saying "hey don't forget me, I still have all the love in the world for you, and I will never leave your side" Basically she can always count on me.
So 2 weeks later I have another dream into which we were in a classroom and she responded. saying, "don't worry, I love you too and I'll never forget you." Which honestly put me into a great ease. thinking like hey I can move on finally.

After all the keneption (sp?) about her inviting me to the hookah bar we finally went and had deep conversations mainly about her life and where it was headed or where it wasnt.
(which is a whole new topic but not my business to really spread around in detail.)

but basically the meeting at the hookah bar went well, we ate, smoked some hookah it was all good.
Also the person that I could find no wrong with I finally found somethings i wasnt really feeling that made me happy honestly cuz that fishing line i was hanging on by is now cut.

So don't get me wrong I still have so much Love for her, but Im also not hanging on to that string anymore.
I won't be sucked in like was,
I no longer have that thing hanging over my head like...what if she wants to get back what would I say.
Ofcourse I'd entertain it, but it wouldn't be an automatic yes like it was about a month ago.

Also I events have been happening and i want events to happen to me that require me to be away from any potential things holding me back from those goals.

Thats about it with this one sorry for the length. but it was needed.

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